Severus, Hermione, drabbles
by benebu
Summary: Independent 100 words drabbles starring my favorite couple: Severus Snape and Hermione Granger. Chapters six to nine: bitterness, fluff, and Crooks.
1. Stains

_Disclaimer: the characters belong to JK Rowling._

Note: thank you, Somigliana, for betaing these without making me feel like an idiot.

Rating: PG

Challenge: Pain in the arse on grangersnape100

Characters: Hermione/Severus

**Stains**

Hermione wiped at the chocolate sauce dripping from her hair.

Severus eyed the table to select his next weapon.

"It's gonna be a real pain in the arse to get these stains off of our robes," she commented.

"Never mind, the house-elves can take care of it. I'm going to get you."

Hermione dipped two fingers into the bowl of whipped cream, and repeated slowly, looking him straight in the eyes, "It's really gonna be a pain in the arse to get these stains off of our robes."

Belatedly realizing what she had just said, Severus yielded, "Then, by all means, let's get rid of them."


	2. How the mighty fall

_Disclaimer: the characters belong to JK Rowling._

Note: thank you, Somigliana, for betaing these without making me feel like an idiot.

Rating : PG

Challenge : Pain in the arse on grangersnape100

Characters : Hermione/Severus, mention of Harry & Ron

**How the mighty fall**

The doors of the dungeons opened on silent hinges, and a grimacing Hermione entered her quarters. Severus looked up from his book, and stood immediately to go to her. "Hermione, what happened? You look like hell!"

"Broom. Fell," she explained succinctly, raising a warning hand. "Don't touch me right now. I'm nothing but a walking pain in the arse."

She went to the potions cabinet to retrieve a painkiller, and announced, "I need a warm bath. When I'm done, would you be so kind as to lend me your voodoo dolls of Harry and Ron? I have a personal revenge to take on those two sweet talkers…"


	3. Dealing with the DEAD

_Disclaimer: the characters belong to JK Rowling._

Note: thank you, Somigliana, for betaing these without making me feel like an idiot.

Rating: PG

Challenge: Back from the dead on grangersnape100

Characters: Hermione/Severus

**Dealing with the DEAD**

"Darling! You home? I'm back from the dead."

Severus choked on his drink. He hadn't been expecting her so early. Standing, he engulfed Hermione in a tight embrace.

"Was it really terrible this time?"

"Been awful. Took us ages to move from one step to the other. I really thought I wouldn't make it."

"Hush, hush, forget about it. Let me bring you a nice, strong cup of tea."

Sighing, Hermione let her husband drag her to the couch. She really didn't know where she would find the energy to go back there again next week.

&&&

Hermione had accepted to sit on a Committee to reform the Wizarding Law, thinking she could help the Magical World to enter the 21st century - hell, she would settle for the 20th. Her enthusiasm had been short-lived; the other members were dusty old wizards content to let things be as they were.

They kept rejecting her suggestions, because "_they had always managed perfectly fine with the old system, dear_."

She looked so miserable when she went home that Severus had taken the habit of offering her a cup of tea and a good backrub on the days of the dead.

&&&

Shaking her head, Hermione tried to forget about Severus's hands trailing on her bare skin. She still had to endure a few hours of pointless debate, dripping with sugary sweet politeness, because these people had known each other since kindergarten. She could have summed up their opinions in a quarter of an hour, but no, she was the youngest, and a woman to boot. She had no claim to saying anything yet.

Head bent, she let her quill pour the anger she felt onto her parchment.

They were daft, exasperating, apathetic, and deaf. Don't forget deaf!

They were…

&&&

Hermione was looking for the word that would best describe the contempt she felt for her colleagues, when her eyes fell on what she had just written. **Da**ft. **E**xasperating. **A**pathetic. **D**eaf. **DEAD**. Exactly! They were as good as dead.

That evening, she went home with a secret smile.

"What?" Severus inquired. "They actually listened to one of your suggestions today?"

"Oh, no, I don't think they'll ever come close to that. But I've just found the perfect word for them."

From that day on, the official name of the Committee never came out of her mouth again.


	4. Postcards

_Disclaimer: the characters belong to JK Rowling._

Note: thank you, Somigliana, for betaing these without making me feel like an idiot.

Rating: G

Challenge: dialog only, writing on grangersnape100

Characters: Severus/Hermione

Author's Note: Fluff alert.

Other author's note: the French translation of this drabble is available in the 12th chapter of 'Severus, Hermione, vignettes'

**Postcards**

"Severus, come here! I need you to sign the postcards."

"You need me to what?"

"I told you: I've decided to send people Muggle postcards."

"Well, that's fine, but I really don't see why I should have anything to do with it."

"Really, love, it's nothing. Just add a few words and sign your name."

"What should I write?"

"Whatever you want. Here, this one is for my parents. How about something along the lines of '_enjoying my holidays with your lovely daughter, regards, Severus.'_"

"Aren't you cute when you fish for compliments like that…"


	5. Unpleasant discoveries

_Disclaimer: the characters belong to JK Rowling._

Note: thank you, Somigliana, for betaing these without making me feel like an idiot.

Rating: PG

Challenge: a spell that backfires on grangersnape100

Characters: Harry, Ron, Hermione

Note: You'll find the French translation of this drabble in the 13th chapter of 'Severus, Hermione, vignettes'.

**Unpleasant discoveries**

Hermione entered the room as Harry and Ron finished the incantation.

"What was that?"

"Uhh? Nothing to worry about."

"Ron…"

"Okay. We're checking who the Gryffindor girls dream of as their date for the Halloween Ball."

"Too bad we will only have figures, and not the girls' names."

_Thank God for the small mercies_, thought Hermione fervently.

The enchanted parchment was now covered in ink.

"One girl for me, four for Harry. Great!"

"Wait, Ron. Look."

Ron read the line Harry showed him. "Urgh! Gross!! Two of them fancy _Snape?_"

Hermione paled too, but for another reason. _A rival?_


	6. For your own good

_Disclaimer: the characters belong to JK Rowling._

Note: beta'ed by the wonderful Somigliana.

Rating: G

Challenge: dialog only, movie quote, mind your own business on grangersnape100

Characters: Hermione, Ginny.

**For your own good...**

"Hermione, please… is there something, anything I could say that would change your mind? You shouldn't spend so much time with him; it's a bad idea and you know it."

"I'm perfectly able to choose where and with whom I spend my evenings, thank you. Severus is a friend, I like him; he's got a lot of charm…"

"Well, he comes by it naturally. His grandfather was a snake."

"So, it's about him being a Slytherin again? Don't even go further, Ginny. I'm sorry Draco left you, but stay away from my love life!"

* * *

Author's Note Again :

_"I like him, he's got a lot of charm..."_

_"Well, he comes by it naturally. His grandfather was a snake."_

is a piece of dialogue I stole from "His Girl Friday", by Howard Hawks. Highly recommended movie, btw.


	7. Postcard of doubt

_Disclaimer: the characters belong to JK Rowling._

Note: beta'ed by the wonderful Somigliana.

Rating: PG

Challenge: writing on grangersnape100

Characters: Severus/Hermione

**Postcard of doubt**

"_Hi darling ! You're missing lots of fun,_" Severus read aloud in a somewhat doubtful tone. "_Local guys gorgeous & friendly, local rum wonderful. I'll try to save you a bottle, but don't hold your breath, love, Carrie._"

He seemed almost… disappointed ?

"So, that's the kind of vacations you had planned? Sea, sex and sun? I wonder if you are quite the woman I thought you were."

Hermione snatched the postcard from his grasp, and checked the address. "Come on, Severus. This was for the girl next door. Owls may be reliable, but postmen are only human."


	8. Gossip

_Disclaimer: the characters belong to JK Rowling._

Note: beta'ed by the wonderful Somigliana.

Rating: PG

Challenge: grangersnape100's ultimate challenge, answering 9 challenges at once (list at the end)

Characters: Poppy Pomfrey and Irma Pince

**Gossip**

"Oh dear, Poppy. Did you see Miss Granger's face during the ceremony? Seemed like she really was having a bad day. I caught her sending deadly looks at the bride!"

"I really can't see why all these women are falling for him like that. He's mean, he's petty, and seriously lacks in the hygiene department. I've nursed him often enough to know that Severus would need to bathe more often!"

"Maybe this new medal he got turned their heads… Anyway, he's a married man now - for better or worse, Rosmerta is our Mrs Snape."

* * *

A/N: challenges answered : dialog only, 2nd person POV, bathroom gossip, H.'s bad day, caught, S. needs a bath, S. gets a medal, married to another, Our Mrs Snape. 


	9. Feline deductions

_Disclaimer: the characters belong to JK Rowling._

Note: beta'ed by the wonderful Somigliana.

Rating: PG

Challenge: grangersnape100's ultimate challenge, answering 7 challenges at once (list at the end)

Character: Crookshanks.

**Feline deductions**

I think it happened while I was sleeping. I opened my eyes, and they were all different. Their faces were the same, but She-Who-Provides-Food and He-Who-Glares-At-Me shared a sort of secret smile. Both her hand and his eyes kept falling onto her stomach. What made it more important now than two hours ago?

Even being in the dark about this strange human behaviour, I confess I made the mistake of falling asleep again, comfortably settled on the couch.

Now, a few months later, I understand that at this very moment, It-That-Cries-At-Night started taking my place in my witch's heart…

* * *

A/N: challenges: Crookshanks, 2nd person POV, while you were sleeping, in the dark, confession, it was a mistake, sleeping on the couch.

…and I wanted to mention that "She-Who-Provides-Food" is a nickname for Hermione that I had read in friendlyquark's 'a terrible temptation'

…and the French adaptation of this one is available in the 17th chapter of 'Severus, Hermione, vignettes'


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